Some time for ME!

Since becoming a mum I never have me time.  I am never alone.  Mr S has not been away from me for longer than working hours since coming home from hospital.  When he was little that was exactly how I wanted it.  My tiny little premmie dude was attached to me 24/7.  He is a Mummy's Boy to the extreme.  I never had any desire to let him out of my sight.  I remember when he was a couple of months old I went out by myself to use a voucher I had gotten for a massage.  Mr S stayed home with Daddy L.  I was gone for just under 2hrs.  It was horrible.  I was not one of those Mums who was able to be away from her baby.  His attachment to me was clearly reciprocated.  I was completely and totally in love with this little person and I could control the fact he couldn't leave me.  Plus we were breastfeeding and he was feeding every 2hrs or so, so I had a great excuse not to leave him.  We don't have any family nearby, nobody to babysit, so even having time alone with Daddy L, dinner and a movie, was not an option.  Mr S and I were completely and utterly attached to one another.  For a long time the only people I saw were Mr S and Daddy L.  I was quite OK with that!

Then Mr S grew up.  He went from being my placid sleepy baby, to an inquisitive crawler getting into everything.  Then he was walking and talking.  His personality was really coming out.  He learnt 'no'.  He required entertainment and interaction every waking moment.  He became exhausting.  Dont get me wrong I still adored my growing little boy, but suddenly I was feeling like I needed a break.  I started missing 'me' time.  I couldnt even go and get a wax without him. He was always THERE.  I forgot what it was like to leave the house without nappies and a change of clothes.  I suddenly started getting 'it' when I heard other mums talking about doing things on there own.  Previously I hadnt understood it, I'd held my tongue and wondered how they could want t be away from their precious babies.  Now, I get it.  I love being with my boys, but man, I really appreciate those few moments I get to myself.  

These days Mr S thinks Im part of the furniture - literally.  I can be having a cuddle with Mr J and Mr S has to sit on me.  He has no concept of personal space.  If I am sitting down, Im fair game.  I love his affection, he is an incredibly loving little boy.  But sometimes, I just cant stand being touched anymore.  I just want to sit on my own, without anyone touching me or needing something from me.

Now with the 2 boys my time is never my own.  If I manage to sneak off to have a shower on my own I count that as a win.  Dont get me started on being able to go to the toilet on my own!

Needless to say, I have come last in the list of priorities.  Buying things for me, doing things for me...  None of it happens.  In the last 2.5 years I have had 2 haircuts.  I think I've only had 4 or 5 'beauty' (read waxing) appointments.  I dont have anything I get to do just for me.  Daddy L plays footy (AFL).  He gets to go out and train twice a week, and play once a week.  Its something he enjoys and does without a second thought.  I have nothing.  I dont have anywhere I go, or anything I can do that means I get to get out and do something for ME.  This has to change.  I need my boys to know that I feel worthy of spending time on.  I need to remind myself that I deserve to come first sometimes.  I am worth it.

I have signed up for the 12wbt.  I am part of a new mummy group to get fit and healthy.  I need to put me first to make it successful.  I went for a walk yesterday, only 1km, but I left the house on my own with the sole purpose of doing something for me.  The result (besides my insanely sore legs) - Mr S chucked a tantrum and threw his watch, smashing it on the tiles.  Sigh.

Today, I had over 3hrs doing something for me.  I got my hair done!  First time in a loong time, and man, I went all out!  And I feel like a new woman, I love it.  I need to look after me more often :)